~Conflicted~

It's been ages since the last time i update my blog..Well..What to do??? The hectic life now just won't spare me a particular breaktime..I just barely couldn't let myself relax and stop thinking about my studies...Especially after the released of the STPM results for the previous year, I was totally stressed up and horrified when heard that many of those didn't actually do well..Those news really chills me for almost every night, and sometimes even brought imsomnia for me at that very moment..However, if you were to ask me, I would say that, this wasn't something bad at all..It is this news that brought me stress and granted me the energy to work hard on my studies..Haha, really gotta thanks them for bringing me this power to move on...( I mean for those who did not do well in STPM )..Wuahaha, I'm such a devil for saying that..You know i'm joking...

Alright, lets talk about my life recently..Erm, actually nothing special for these few weeks..As I've said, I've been working very hard for these consecutive weeks and everytime is just homework, homework, and homework...Yes, I can't denied that this kind of life weren't interesting at all, and it certainly is not my cup of tea also..However, life's a day now is no more about what we want..It's about what we must...Especially when people nowaday are all highly competitive among each other...Each of anyone of them holds either a Ph.D or at least a master to work in this community..Wow...That was totally unbelievable...So, what we can do is just keep ourself upgraded and keep catching on their pace..If you're one step slow down, you'll be eliminated...Sigh...Sometimes, i would wonder, why are people nowadays making their life so difficult?? You work diligently everyday and what does that gonna bring for you...In fact, there are some workaholic out there did actually paid up their health for consuming so much time in working life..Besides, news about people who commit suicide due to extreme life-stress are actually quite common now..So, why are we still being so stubborn with that??? Haha, talk was easy, doing would be the catch...This is still the reality, and somehow, we all have to accept it..And I....Who have been grumbling so much about lifes now, still have to finish my homework today.....Oh My God, what have I studied just now??...Methy-tetraphenylchloride....ARGHHHHHHHHHH....

(To be continued....)

~Expecting Miracle??~

Sigh....looks like, what I've promised myself didn't really put in my mind...Remember from some previous post, I denoted that I'm gonna stop fooling around, and start fighting for an excellence results for my exam..However, since today when i got back my Maths T exam paper, I really really feel like bursting into tears...Yes, your're right...Another RED again...It is so dissapointed to have this kind of sucks result, whenever I tought that I'm not going to fail for that...Maybe anything in this tiny world shouldn't be filled with " I thought", this phrase...What do you mean by you thought??...Did you think that you thought you're going to be Prime Minister in the future, then you're gonna 100% got that in the future..Times become harder especially when many of my friends got passed and most of them got at least 50% for their marks in that exam...How bout me??You've got a RED!!!...Even the one that always sleeps inside the class, and didn't listen to teachers lesson also got higher marks than me...The one that "I've thought", again that will never gonna make it, oso got higher marks than me...I'm actually not here to insults him or teasing him or what..In fact, he might looks lazy in the class, but at home, maybe he did work very very hard for that exam..But me...What've I been doing that time..Onlining, sleeping, watching TV, and just enjoying my life..Right...Since you've not been working hard for that, how can you expect a miracle is going to happen to you??...And this is all my fault..God doesn't helps a person who is lazy to be successful..Now, I'm really wondering that, am I still suitable for form 6 anymore...From many of my old secondary school friends, they might tought that, I'm a genius or very good in studying..But, since I've stepped into form 6, I can deeply understand that how stupid and idiot I am comparing with my classmates..Mostly are like choppy, GK, they all...No matter how hard i struggle for a good results, I still cant beat them...That's why I'm saying that, I'm actually nothing compared with them..I'm nothing....Nothing means to me anymore..

~Friends Are To Be, Or Not To Be???~

Sigh....I don't know how to start my words now..I've been sitting here typing for quite a long time, but I've deleted what i've typed just now too....Because, it's really not describing my feeling now and it's just not the things that I wanted to say here..Am I regreting for using blog to write about my life..Or, I should say that: I've really regretted for giving my blog address to others..Haha, sorry for those who are reading now..I do not mean to hurt or insult you all..But this is actually to prevent things like above happens when I write my blog...Since it's about my real feeling now, I decided to be honest with myself..Actually, I really not quite happy with somethings today. Although it's hard to say, but I really have to tell that someones really dissapoint me today..They really dissapointed me deep deep into my heart. And, that feeling is just too pain like thousand of thorns keep piercing in my heart..They gave me the feeling that, I'm actually a nobody to them..I'm just like a toy to them..When they need me, they come play with me. When did not, they just kick me aside..It feels like, i've been used by them..Between us, no friendship, caring, or even loves exist on our relationship..I should had understand that, there is no friendship forever in entire life, but there are friends to be used no matter where we go...This makes me started to think that, "what are friends??",...Why do we all here are so curious or crazy with friends??...I cannot deny that most of my friends out there actually gave happiness to me..But...The one that gave me a hardest time in my life are them too...We might easily forgot the happiness we once had in our life, but the sadest thing we once had is going to be the bittest memory in our entire life..And it's going to be with us forever just like a scar in our body, that influence our whole life...What i'm hoping is just having a friends that can share things with each other and we can actually talk to each other well...Am I too over with my opinion here..Maybe it's just too hard for two people without any biological relationship to be so close to each other..Each of them would certainly have a gap between their friends on things that can be share with each other...So close, yet so far...So, I really very dissapointed with them...Maybe I shouldn't had put my hope on them earlier, as I knew that somehow, we all still are people from two different world.......

~Time To Start And Time To Stop~

At last, school day had started now and I've upgraded myself into an upper 6 students. Sigh..., time had gone so fast that i couldn't even accept that I'm already 20 years-old now (following chinese calendar)..In fact, many memories when I was still in lower 6 are still fresh in my mind..Everything seems like just happened yesterday..Though missing those had gone, but we, as a human being should somehow accept the reality and keep on moving towards our future. I remembered that, i've read 1 book and there is a line inside it stated:

'Those who keep on look back into their past are a weaker, but those who keep on fight towards their future are as strong as a warrior'

At first, i couldn't really understand that particular sentence, and i felt that the one who wrote this was an idiot..But now, I deeply understand that statement..And that's why i feel that I'm weak..By the way, didn't human being learn to be strong from their past..Hmmph..Really makes me figure..Alright, forget about that..Let's talk something bout my new school lifez..Frankly, I'm actually quite sad as I heard that 2 of my friends had left our school..One of it is Nicholas, the one that brings endless laughter to our class. Although I'm not very close with him in my class, but he really is the nicest person I've met. He was the one that gave me the feeling that, Kwang Hua students is not as selfish as I thought. In fact, he loves to help us, and he is also a joker..However, he only finished his lower 6 here, then changed to Inti Colledge for an American Transfered Degree..The other 1 that left is Wilson..Erm.....have nothing to talk bout him, coz I've already knew that he's gonna left soon..Anyway, just wish him good luck at TAR colledge lar..Then I'll have to continue my form 6 journey here...This is gonna be my last year for school lifez and also my last chance to improve my result...I've promise myself, not to failed in any of my subject again this year..Never Again (Hope So)...U can do it....Keep holding on(listening to that song now).....Haha....Looks like, it's time for me to start my hardwork and effort now, and also time for me to stop my 'Honey Moon' day....

~Extraordinary Christmas~

Woohoo.....Yesterday was the Christmas Day!!! Unfortunately, a big and glory day like that could had ended up raining the whole day..What to do, since it was a raining seasons now..At first, i thought i will gonna celebrate this Holy Day alone, as there isn't any call or sms or whatever that pleaded me to leave my little home..Sigh, that time i was like 'WTH', isn't there any of my frenz celebrating Christmas out there?? 'Nevermind', that was the word i keep telling myself in order to prevent myself got dragged into a hard time..I told myself:

"Everyone has their own way on celebrating some seasons..There are also many of those outsiders were just sleeping the whole day ignoring the good day today..So don't let 'being alone' to be a factor for me..By the way, it feels quite good too, staying home with family members at Christmas..Just cheer up and don't make yourself sad on this day.."

Haha..I found out that, i'm actually quite good on self-deceiving..Till noon, one of my frenz juz call into my cellphone..At that moment, hope cames soundlessly into my heart..He said, tonight, two frenz which we recognize through Internet will come meet us in Klang..(they're from KL)..That time, i was utterly shocked and surprised and excited with the news..They come down just to meet us..Actually, we already planned of meeting each other at Christmas Day, but i thought they were just joking..I never thought they really really had come down here..They heard that the '
Bah Kut Teh' here were delicious..So, they wanna come and try.Without hesitating, i agreed to go with them..Guess what?? I haven't seen before their faces, and I'm really very very eager to know how does they look like..Since i knew him all this long, we only talk to each other through Internet..So, it's glad to have an E-pal now..Woohoo..hard to believe...Finally, the night arise, and my frenz came fetch me with his little 'Kancil', then drive straight to our destination..When reach there, i've saw them..Erm....ya....nothing special with their appearance or dressing..Just 2 normal boys..But they actually quite good looking..So we went into the Bah Kut Teh restaurant, sat down, and order for some foods...At first, i thought i'm gonna have nothing to talk with them coz we obviously not familliar with each other..But the situation there was totally different from what i've thought..5 of us there juz couldn't stop talking that we actually had to fight for the time for us to spoke..Haha...i loves that kind of feel very much..I've always hate to have a cold date with someone else, which are so so so boring..Eat and talk and eat and talk and eat and talk.......continuously..After bout 2 hours sitting there, we finally decided to go somewhere else..Haha, felt guilty coz sitting there for so long although we had finished our foods earlier..luckily it was night time, so not many customers there..Guess where had we been after that??? We went to cyber cafe(CC)..U must had think that, what is it so special spending times in cyber cafe..At first, i think like u too..And i've also try to refuse to go with them..But seems like my effort is useless coz i'm sitting his car..so where he goes, i'll have to follow..Haha..what happened in the cyber cafe?? what did we do inside there?? I 'll let this be a small secret inside me..But, we actually really really had a good time and we enjoy ourself much there..Luckily i followed them to CC, if not i wouldn't be this happy yesterday..finally, we left there by almost 3am...coz my E-pal nid to back to Kl as there are class they need to attend the next day..So, we just went back..After i've reach home, i thought i was gonna fell asleep straight away on my bed, but this didn't happen..Bcoz, i'm too excited that night that i couldn't close my eyes eventhough i'm damn tired and exhausted..The things we do and the things happened to us today just keep on flashing in my brain like a drama rendering me an imsonia...Thank you u guy's there for giving me such a memorable Christmas Day...You guy's are the best and really nice to meet you all....By the way, since it was Christmas Day, i've oso uploaded some photos from some events last time..




A teddy bear on a Christmas Tree...Say cheez...




Photos of me and somez of my ex-schoolmates in Esther christmas party on 19 December 2007...




Look what i've got here..Ferrero rocher chocolate in loves shape..It fills me with many many loves in this Christmas Day...Yummy..Wuahahaha